it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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