I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
