It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
it hurts more in the daytime
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
