it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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