If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
