so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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