A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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