just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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