Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
