my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
