I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
