What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
