If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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