The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
