Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
