just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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