i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
