i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
