did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
