A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just gift wrapped bread.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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