i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
