my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
