Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hippo gnu deer
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
