Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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