That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
