I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
