How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
