we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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