i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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