I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
