I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
