I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
