i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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