Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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