For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
