Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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