I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
