I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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