Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
