it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
