I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
