My sheets look like a crime scene.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
