He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
