mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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