she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
