I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
