theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
