why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
