I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
