i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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