mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
