How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
