I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
