CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
