I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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