Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
