the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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