I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
